Trying...

Over the past few days I've been trying to write a new post but every time I read it back to myself it sounds.... well depressing. The people in my last two blogs were extremely important to me but at the same time the writing's can come off depressing, but I'm not depressed. I guess it just has to do with everything that's been going on the past few weeks. Although it's been rough, there have been some very good parts lately as well. I'll get a good one out...

My Nanny

In some ways, this is the easiest post I've written, but it is no doubt the hardest I've ever written. On Wednesday March 24th around 2am, my Nanny passed away. She had been sick and in the nursing home for a little over four years. She had been battling dementia during those years. It might have taken her mind, but it never took her spirit. As always, she was a fighter to the end.

But I won't remember her for just these last four years or so. I'll remember all the times that she stayed with us growing up. I'll remember the trips to visit her. I'll remember breaking away during the day to go have lunch with her. I'll remember sitting with her and watching our favorite past time, baseball. I'll remember family Christmases. I'll remember her loving us no matter how we acted and goofed off while with our cousins.

I'm not really sure there are enough kind words to say about my Nanny. I know I miss her so much and will never forget her. I will always remember the love and kindness she showed to others. She had and will continue to have a lasting impact on my life. She was truly a remarkable lady, but most of all she was my Nanny.

I'll Never Forget You

Today is one of those days in my life that I'll never forget. Not today to be exact but March 21 instead. Today marks 5 years since my cousin who was 2 years younger than me passed away. I remember that day just like it was yesterday. Shortly after 7am getting the phone from my Grandmother. Then my mom came and met me and we drove to my dad's office where we pulled him outside to tell him. After that I had to call my brother as well. It's one of those days and weeks that I never want to relive. But, this is life and you'll have those moments.

Matt and I were always close growing up. He was my only male cousin so I think that's one of the reasons we were so close. As we got older, no matter how long it was between when we talked, we always seemed to pick up where we left off. I still think about him all the time and miss him everyday. I loved that kid.

It was kinda ironic that we talked about over coming difficulties in Sunday school this am. Anything is possible with God. Prayer must be a staple in life as well as action to go along with those prayers. You just can't pray and do nothing expecting to over come difficulties in life. Fellowship and study must also be included as well.

It was a difficult time in my life dealing with his death as I am sure it was for the rest of the family. I miss Matt everyday and I am very thankful for the time I had with him and know I will see him again someday.

"I Believe In Me"

The title to this post is from my favorite quote from Steve McQueen. Also, just to let you know, I am a huge Steve McQueen fan but in no way do I hold him up as a role model. The quote is:

"I believe in me. I'm a little screwed up but I'm beautiful." - Steve McQueen

When reading this, if you have questions about this post, just ask me. Now, on to the quote. I ran across this quote a few months ago. When I read it, I pretty much adopted it as my life motto. I think about this quote on a weekly basis. The reason I like this quote so much because I know that I am not perfect and will not be perfect. That reason might be why I do not believe in role models. I know I have imperfections, but at the end of the day as long as I please God first, I am good with that. I know that I can not please everyone in life. No matter what I do, I know someone will always question me about my actions or reasoning for doing something. If I tried to please everyone, I would end up getting pulled in so many directions that I would not know who I am. End the end, I believe in me and I'm beautiful in God's eyes.

Caught Up In The World of Now

Well if you are friends with me on facebook, follow me on twitter, or linked with me on Linkedin, you might have asked the question like many others did this past week. Where is Patrick Finley? Well let me answer that question for you. I was here. No not here on-line but at work, school, church, and many other places just as I always am. I just wanted to take a break from social media.

When this this little break started I intended for it to be just for the weekend. Well the weekend turned into 3 days, 4 days, and so on leading up to a 9 day break. Then I had this great idea for a social media blog. Then yesterday my thoughts on how to approach this blog started to change.

See, I'm a laid back guy. My little twitter (I know, little twitter..haha) bio even says so, "laid back but on top of it." But here of late I've been struggling with something. I've got caught up in the "Now". Wanting things to happen now. Somethings I know I don't want to happen now, but for some reason I've pushed things. Why? Yesterday I really wasn't sure.

So, last night thinking about this I just decided to put my mind on other things. So I picked up my iPhone to catch up on some sermons from Francis Chan. There it was..."Slow Down and Show Grace" was the title to the next sermon. Here are a few of the points

1. Don't be quick to answer
2. Quick to speak, quick to anger
3. Take time to respond with love and grace
4. Slow down...the Lord has things in store for you

I think with all this social media and other conveniences in life, we have come to expect the "now" right now. Personally I tried to rush some things. Was social media the cause? No, personal insecurity and lack of faith was mainly the issue. So, I know I don't have to be quick to act on everything and waiting is ok. Sometimes it might even be a nice little present.

Refreshed

At times it's easy for us to get pulled in so many directions, it's easy for us to get worn down. It's also easy for us to forget what is truly important as well. This past weekend as you may have read from my prior blog, I spent it with about 85-100 high school kids at a fall youth retreat with my church. If you think about it, it sounds like a lot of work and always keeping your eyes open since I was serving in a volunteer role. So naturally I would be tired today and dragging. However this is not the case.

Yesterday I tweeted that my batteries were run all the way down but yet I am refreshed. I'm not sure if it was the people I was with, the time spent worshiping, or just laying everything going on at Gods feet, or maybe it was everything above. However, I feel refreshed for the first time in a long while.

"What Inspires Me"

I've thought about the question that Trey(@magnetsfast) posted on twitter the other night. He asked, "What inspires you?". I looked at the question and really thought about it. I know some will answer fame, money, and the other usual answers. Webster's definition of inspire is to influence, move, or guide by divine or supernatural inspiration. I think people can be inspired by a number of things, including: nature, great feats of work, and even love. Yes, I did say love. That word is not to often in my vocabulary but there it is.

As I look back over the past few years, I know what inspires me. It's people. Yes, people. I can look back as people have come and gone out of my life and see who pushed me, and I know the ones that also had a negative effect as well. Some may not even know they pushed me or are pushing me now. It just happens. I really don't know how to explain it. But that feeling of when someone inspires you is like none other. I've never done a good job at telling people who inspire they have done so. I'll start working on that. It may surprise you in who it is.

So now I ask you, what inspires you?